


Sing me a thousand elegies

by thebluerain



Series: when fate derails, let us stop by [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst, Assassins & Hitmen, Dialogue Heavy, Domestic, Fantasy, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mutual Pining, Poetry, Retirement, Romance, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Tragedy, wuxia au no one asks for lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:55:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28334991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebluerain/pseuds/thebluerain
Summary: Wanting to be free from the inferno that was burning him, Lee Jeno drank a cup of farewell poison. Unable to wash the stain tainted on his skin, he spent the last bit of his days watching the birds fly away towards the vast blue sky. On the road of his final journey, he met a dearest companion.This is a tale about two people; embarking in a quest and finding solace, suturing the gaping hole and falling in love. Learning to cherish a companion, time wouldn't wait where the red string binds them together. Turning blind from each other's past, swords were placed on the tip of their necks. Dawning in belated regrets, the blood was gushing, perhaps they shouldn't have met in this lifetime."And all along I believe; where there's fate, I will find you."
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Series: when fate derails, let us stop by [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2075040
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	Sing me a thousand elegies

**Author's Note:**

> first of all, thanks to elle for beta-ing my fic and being so patient with me <3 you are the best!!
> 
> this fic was inspired by tian ya ke-priest when i reread the novel some months ago. most of the things i mentioned here purely based on my imagination (so i made up alot of things). this fic is a part of a series, so the story will continue ^^ i hope you enjoy it.

**Sing me a thousand elegies**

_"The snow falls on the winter day as the northern wind blows_

_I greet this emptiness to find you waiting_

_Under the snowflakes, plum blossoms bloom_

_And the lingering fragrance accompanies you_

_To whom you should confide this grief_

_When loneliness freezes and traps your heart within_

_Forgive me, apology will never be enough in this lifetime_

_For being the reason your tears melt down and mingle into the snow."_

Life was a form of suffering, the subject of impermanence and uncertainty. Humans couldn't choose their births, deaths, wealth, fortune, or power, it was all decided once they entered the wheel of reincarnation. Being alive was agony, yet still humans never stopped striving forward to reach one goal, to find a meaning in life, to release oneself from the cycle of pain and suffering. Wanting to be freed from the agony bludgeoning one's heart, from every question and uncertainty gnawing their consciences. 

They said, life itself was the definition of cause and effect, and Lee Jeno understood his fate was bound to be doomed from the moment he was born. 

Unable to recall the faces of his parents, he only remembered the blurry images of splattered blood, of a sword hanging around his neck, and a weak apology that sounded so familiar yet unfamiliar. Doyoung saved him from the pungent smell of blood, from the dark room where his mother locked him, from the smell of decaying corpses, and fear that crawled inside of him. Seeing the light again, young Jeno felt like he was being saved so he could wish for tomorrow. He was just an innocent kid, being rescued from the darkness only to find out the hellish world he had to live in. It would have been better if he just died at that time. 

He was only five years old when Doyoung brought him to the Forgotten Valley, an unorthodox organization specializing in assassination. He naturally became one once he grew up. Doyoung said, as long as he was strong, he could get revenge for his parents' death. But Jeno didn't even remember anything from his childhood memories, so why would he bother with revenge? It was just his will to live that that made him swallow everything, but inside of him, he was just an empty shell. 

Jeno was twelve when he carried out his first assassination, wiping out the whole manor of Choi Hajun, a member of imperial cabinets. It was a task requested by Choi Hajun's opposite party (which Jeno didn't care about in the slightest.) He wasn't alone, many assassins participated to complete this mission; killing every single being inside the manor. That was the task. His hand wielded his sword, bathed in red, without any hesitation; yet there was a voice inside of his heart, asking and demanding an answer for the innocence that he spilled. Perhaps, it was the first time he started to question his own life.

Jeno went to check every room one by one; he needed to make sure that everyone was killed, leaving no living beings behind. And in a chamber inside the west building, Jeno found a lady much older than him. Her body was covered in black and blue, she looked at him lifelessly, as if nothing mattered to her anymore. Jeno heard his senior mention that Choi Hajun was actively engaging in extreme sexual intercourse and he had many bed warmers, perhaps this girl was one of them. 

"Just kill me." Her voice was hoarse, aware of the current situation. She was staring at him and something within Jeno's heart tugged. 

"Choi Hajun is dead. Go and hide yourself, you are free after this." He picked up a cloak left on the floor and threw it to cover the girl's body before walking away. The girl didn't know how to reply because she really wanted to die. Being sold by her own parents to a brothel and meeting a beast like Choi Hajun, she had lost everything and nothing remained even the tiniest pride she wanted to put together. _You are free after this._ Longing to hear that sentence, she pulled her thoughts as she knocked her head against the wooden floor. As if, Jeno just opened a new door for her to enter. 

"I will repay your kindness, my name is Jung Haewon. From today, I owe you my life." Jeno just shook his head and left the room, under the veil covering his face, his expression remained cold and aloof yet there was a tinge of foreign emotions struggling to wake up. This was the law of cause and effect and years later it would lead him to his fate.

He was fourteen when he found out that his parents used to be members of the Forgotten Valley, they chose to elope and run away. It was under Doyoung's order that both of them were killed. Doyoung, who claimed to be his parents' close confidant. Jeno sighed as he felt nothing but a state of numbness and another question arose where he questioned every single bit of his existence. 

When he turned fifteen, Doyoung became the leader of the Forgotten Valley and he was favored by the older who let him choose his own mission. Maybe, he did that out of guilt, but could they even feel guilty when the piling corpses beneath their feet could bury them for so many lifetimes?

Was their meeting a form of coincidence? Jeno was sixteen when he went to the capital as an undercover agent. Without a veil covering his face, he let the night breeze gently caress him. Gazing at the busy city, he was drinking a cup of liquor. The tavern was busy, in this hustle and bustle of the night, he was just a passerby, an outsider who didn't have a place to fit in. 

"Excuse me, Mister?" Jeno raised his head. A beautiful woman dressed in tangerine brocade greeted him. Her hair was neatly combed and a silver hairpin rested in it. Her face was adorned with makeup and a cinnabar mark was painted on her forehead.

"This lowly commoner's surname is Jung and my given name is Haewon. Forgive me for being a nuisance, but you look like an acquaintance, so I couldn't help but visit your table." She bowed her body a little and a surprised expression was shown on Jeno's face. 

"You---" It was all he could manage to say. Jung Haewon gave him a respectful smile. 

"Yes, this is me. After that accident, I didn't know where to find you and I'm grateful to have this little talent to remember people's faces. Even my esteemed savior had his face hidden before, but your eyes were mesmerizing enough for this lowly commoner to remember," she explained, still using flattering words, Jeno knew it was for respect, but he didn't deserve any of this. 

"Miss Haewon, please sit down first. You don't have to talk formally with me, I'm not your savior, so don't feel indebted to me." It was the truth. Jeno didn't intend to save her, perhaps saving her was done because the agony that gnawed in him. It was never for her, but for his own nonexistent conscience. 

Haewon was sitting in front of him, Jeno could smell the fragrance of orchids when she moved her robe. She took off something inside her pouch and handed him a jade lotus ornament. 

"You saved me, I don't care for your reason. But, I'm still alive, free from that hell, and it's all thanks to you. I don't have anything to offer but please accept this token of my gratitude carved by me. If you need help in the future, please go to the South, there is an entertainment house called White Lotus. Show this token and they will follow your instructions. We are merely an entertainment house, but we get protection from the Phoenix Pavilion. So, please rest assured." Jeno looked into her eyes, trying to probe at the hidden meaning behind her words.

"Phoenix Pavilion? I'm sure you are aware that I'm from the Forgotten Valley, aren't you?" Jeno asked, tapping his fingers on the table. His eyes were still staring at her and Haewon felt a murderous aura surging in the air. The Phoenix Pavilion was an orthodox prestigious organization, built in the previous dynasty to help the last emperor keep the country safe by ruling the martial world. They were the archenemy of the Forgotten Valley.

"Yes, I'm aware. They provide us assistance in secret, so you don't have to worry. In this way, I can say that White Lotus is a reliable place, and I hope we can be granted to be in your service." She gave him a deep bow and Jeno sighed, taking the jade lotus ornament on the table and putting it inside his lapel.

"I know your intention. Thank you." Another question raised from the deepest part of Jeno’s heart. Did he deserve this kindness for something he barely even did? His mind answered; _No._

He was seventeen when the political situation within the country reached an uproar. The crowned prince usurped the emperor's throne, vermilion drenched the path to the palace, as if soldiers had been bathing in the dragon's flesh. The Forgotten Valley had many requests for secret missions; they never took a side but ultimately were tainted the most by the color of blood. 

Jeno took a glance behind the black veiled hat he was wearing, blood dripping from his sword and dead bodies lying around him. The hall of the palace's main temple was so quiet without the sound of the monks reciting sutras yet the pungent smell of death was filling the air. In front of him, the head of the temple was taking his last breath, but on his face serenity was painted clearly, as if death was merely a journey.

"All living beings are equal, as long as one's conscience is clear, they may find the light even in the darkness. Gathering merits and freeing oneself from the endless suffering, rights and wrongs it is all decided in life. This is karma that we ought to carry not only in this lifetime, but to _Samsara_."

The monk's words were still ringing in his ears and so many questions were born as Jeno took a deep breath and gazed at the azure sky, searching for an answer in this vast world. 

Lee Jeno was twenty when he kneeled in front of Kim Doyoung, asking to be allowed to leave the Forgotten Valley. There was a glimpse of emotion in the way Doyoung looked at him but Jeno didn’t dare to delve deep into that matter. Between them, there was no transparency and Jeno never dreamed to be given any insight. In this world, if he looked back, the only connection he had was to that person who brought him to this organization, who raised him since he was five years old. Jeno remembered he used to follow Doyoung around and call him “Big Brother." When he found out the truth about his parents, his heart felt like it had settled down on its own, cutting the last connection he had with this world, but he didn’t feel pain, anger, or betrayal. He was just a phantom after all, wandering around in this empty shell of a human. 

“Do you know what it means to leave the Forgotten Valley?” Doyoung asked him.

Jeno nodded before firmly answering “Yes."

“You are strong, smart, and talented. What makes you---” 

“I’m sure you also realized this, Leader, I’m not cut out to be an assassin. Perhaps it’s a curse or a blessing my parents put on me.” Jeno didn’t let Doyoung finish his sentence and when the younger formed his next words, he could see how the older's face hardened and all the compassion seemed to vanish. 

"When did you discover everything?" Doyoung asked coldly and Jeno didn't retrieve his gaze. 

"Six years ago. But fear not, Leader, I don't have any hostility towards you or this organization. Let that matter be buried with my parents' ashes. Asking to leave this way is a sign of my gratitude to you who has been taking care of me. I hope you can grant my last wish." Jeno kowtowed and Doyoung let out a heavy sigh. 

"Taeyong, bring the Flaming Poison!" Doyoung shouted and his gaze fell on the figure in front of him. There were many regrets, many things he wished he could convey. Yet, words alone weren't needed, time would never turn back. The small boy who used to follow him and call him "Big Brother," in the end he was going to follow his parents' step, to leave him who never understood light and hope. 

Taeyong entered the room with a cup of Flaming Poison. Jeno quickly seized the cup and drank it in one gulp. There was blood flowing from the edge of his mouth and both Taeyong and Doyoung were surprised, yet too late to be able to stop him.

"I thank you for your generosity. I bid you farewell, Big Brother." Jeno bowed one last time before turning his back and Doyoung clenched his teeth. He had chosen not to run away the way his parents had, this was the best repayment and revenge Jeno could give to Doyoung. He wasn't stupid, he knew that Doyoung truly cared for him, but sometimes a relationship couldn't last when the beginning was too crooked.

The effect of the Flaming Poison deteriorated his body fast, so Jeno quickly left and went down the mountain. Booking a room from the nearest inn, his body was on fire, feeling as if his insides were being twisted, and when he coughed, blood wouldn't stop dripping from his mouth. He smiled, the power of this poison was really lethal. No one could escape the door of death once this poison entered their body, only pain and suffering was left behind. Flaming Poison originally was used to torture prisoners, it was either they died instantly or _begged_ to be killed, because the pain was so unbearable that it could drive one to the brink of insanity. 

The sky was blue and the breeze of early winter was blowing gently. Jeno looked up and so many answers were overflowing his mind. Putting his heart at ease that he could finally breathe properly. The front of his robe was stained in red, but serenity was cast on his pale visage, as if his suffering was the price for this redemption. Jeno managed to seal the poison with his internal energy, losing his capability to perform martial arts. He found this method by accident when he visited Doyoung's room and stumbled upon a secret book containing the origin of this poison. Yet, the price for using this technique was to destroy his inner force, making him appear weaker than a normal person. As long as he could hold on, as long as he could live for another day, even if he wrecked his body and became a weakling, it didn’t matter at all. 

The sun was already set when the poison in his body finally calmed down. Jeno got up to change his robe and the jade lotus ornament slipped from his pouch and fell on the floor. This was the beginning, when Jeno's destiny started to spin.

***

Snow was falling. Gazing at the veil of whiteness, Jeno let out a small laugh. A serene air could be felt surrounding his figure, as if all his burdens were finally lifted, leaving a peaceful road to greet tomorrow. Drinking a cup of deathly poison, he felt like he was being resurrected from death itself, throwing away the mask covering his face. He was standing before a brand new day, without any regret if he were to die on this road.

“I’m really surprised to see you here.” A beautiful woman was leading the way. She was wearing a gold brocade robe with a cloak draped over her shoulders.

“I’m sorry to bother you, Miss Haewon,” Jeno apologized and the beautiful woman just shook her head, giving him a smile that sincerely showed her hospitality.

“It’s really lively here. I hope you don’t mind,” she said and Jeno used this chance to observe the infamous White Lotus. The sound of music instruments and the bustling excitement were ringing in his eardrums. The smell of perfume lingered in his senses; it was so strong that he couldn't help wanting to sneeze. A few beautiful women were dancing on the stage and men whom Jeno recognized coming from wealthy families were sitting behind the tables while sipping cups of liquor poured by another beautiful woman.

“Madam, I have already cleaned the east chamber.” A petite young woman stopped in front of them and bowed respectfully. Haewon nodded in approval before she tilted her head to Jeno and said “This way, my esteemed guest.”

Passing the young woman, their eyes accidentally met. Jeno gave her a smile and a faint blush could be seen across her face.

“Aiya, don’t flirt with my girl!” Haewon teased and Jeno looked baffled. His beauty was tantalizing, pale skin like the color of snow, a very strong jaw line, red lips, and a pair of gentle eyes; when one looked at him, they felt like drowning in the sweetness of spring. If he wasn't born to be an assassin who needed to hide his face, he could be famous for his looks alone. Haewon clearly noticed the difference even though she'd only seen his eyes, and now his handsomeness was fully matured, no longer carrying any childlike trait, but it seemed like the owner didn’t realize his own beauty.

They exited the main building and a few smaller buildings were presented. The festivities could faintly be heard and there was no longer the strong smell of perfume, it was the fresh air of the night filling his lungs. Jeno’s fate started there, in the cover of falling snow and the blooming plum blossom trees. When he looked back, that night was the beginning of everything, as if he had waited all his life for that fateful meeting.

This encounter between these two people was predestined, written in the book of fate long before they were born; it wasn't merely coincidence but inevitability. Meeting each other and then parting, swallowing the bittersweet taste of getting to know one another. 

The first time Jeno met Jaemin, snow was still falling. Jaemin was sitting under the plum blossom tree where the petals were being blown by the night breeze. The moon was peeking shyly from behind the clouds and its light bathed on Jaemin's figure, giving a touch of ethereality upon his beauty. The faint sound of a pipa lute could be heard and Jeno noticed the way Jaemin's fingers tapped to follow the rhythm. His eyes were closed but as if aware of a gaze on him, Jaemin opened his peach blossom eyes. His eyes carried gentleness and Jeno's fingers twitched - he didn't realize his body had frozen the moment he gazed on the other. 

“Sister Haewon, do you finally have a male entertainer? Didn’t you say men were too troublesome to deal with?” His tone was carefree and cheerful, a bright smile was painted on his face that Jeno couldn’t help but steal a glance of. “Wait! Don’t tell me he’s your lover? Your young lover is indeed very good-looking.” 

Haewon’s expression distorted, it was the first time Jeno saw her losing her graceful demeanor. “Nonsense! Please mind your manners, Young Master Na,” she reprimanded him, but Jeno could feel by the friendly tone in their bickering, it was a habit between them.

“Mister Lee, this is Young Master Na, Na Jaemin. He’s a freeloader here. Jaemin, this is Mister Lee, Lee Jeno. He saved my life. Please show him respect, he will be living in the east chamber.” Haewon gave them a brief introduction.

“Let’s get along well, Mister Lee. I’m living next to your building.” Jeno bowed his body a little. When he looked up, Jaemin's eyes were on him, as if staring down into his soul so he couldn't help but to avert his gaze. The pilling snow covered the blossomed flowers, plum blossoms bloomed and its fragrance filled the air, a thought flashed through Jeno's mind; _spring was coming_. Months later, he would never be able to guess, those words figuratively carried another meaning. 

***

Jeno’s life turned over a new leaf, he settled quickly into the small courtyard behind the infamous White Lotus. Helping the women do chores, getting teased, running errands, they wouldn’t believe it if someone mentioned that he used to be a member of the Forgotten Valley. He appeared to be fragile and weak, someone whose face was paler than the color of snow which made those women treat him like their sickly son.

Jaemin came to his place often, just sitting on the balcony while gazing at the sky. Jeno remembered what Haewon said, _he was an undercover agent from Phoenix Pavilion, specializing in looking for information about the Forgotten Valley._ Being taught vigilance since he was a kid, he could feel the way Jaemin observed him, yet he couldn’t sense any negative intent. When Jeno looked into his eyes, he could only see a pair of bottomless orbs. Jaemin was even more difficult than Doyoung, yet weirdly enough when Jeno was around him he felt comfortable. They got along well, accompanying each other in silence. Sometimes they talked, but most of the time they just sat there in their own worlds. Jeno could feel Jaemin’s sincerity in befriending him.

Jaemin shone brightly like the sun melting the snow and dissipating the coldness. Jeno never met someone as brilliant as him, but under his beaming smile, Jeno saw the abyss beneath his eyes, so deep that he almost drowned when he looked into them. Jaemin was like a mystery, a question that he had never encountered. Jeno knew he should have stepped back, but then he desired an answer, he wished to find an answer – like an endless chain of questions and answers that gave him redemption.

It was a sunny day, two weeks after his arrival, when the sunlight basked into his room and the ice melted. Jeno was holding a basket of pastries and he found Jaemin sitting on his balcony, watching some young women throw their shy smiles. Jaemin looked up when he felt his presence and his gaze fell on the basket in his hand.

“They are flirting with you,” he said as he stood up and walked inside the room. He sat in front of Jeno who was busy taking out the pastries one by one so Jaemin started preparing the tea. The smell of the black tea was filling the air and Jeno noticed the way the other glanced at him.

“You are really beautiful. I can understand why they want to flirt with you,” Jaemin said in an unhurried tone and Jeno didn’t need to look up to see the expression on his face.

“What?” 

Jaemin was smiling at him and his eyes exuded attractiveness. This young master really knew the art of seduction and flirting. “You are beautiful,” Jaemin repeated his words when Jeno’s gaze landed on him, making sure the other saw the expression on his face. They stayed like that for a while, staring deep into each other’s eyes. On the outside, people may think they were flirting, but they both knew clearly that they were trying to reach each other’s heart. Still, Jeno couldn’t lie, the way his heart skipped a beat when he noticed the gracefulness of Jaemin’s eyelashes flutter.

“Sister Haewon really _cares_ for you.” Jaemin was the first one to avert his eyes as he carelessly put a pastry into his mouth.

“She didn’t owe me anything,” Jeno answered, sipping his tea while staring at the melted snow in the courtyard.

“You saved her life. May I know the story?” Jaemin probed and Jeno could feel his intention unravel more. 

“It’s nothing really, I just helped her years ago to get away from the bandits.”

“Bandits? So, you do know martial arts.” 

“I don’t, I helped her hide.”

“Hide? Oh, I understand. I thought you saved her from the brutal execution of your organization, or your _previous_ organization – the Forgotten Valley,” Jaemin spelled the words one by one, his gaze penetrated him, as if it could dig a hole in his body.

“Young Master Na must be kidding. I’m just a sickly wanderer who probably won’t even last until next year.” Jeno didn’t waver – both his eyes and his voice, they showed calmness, but the air was suffocating until Jaemin let out a single laugh and all the tension dissipated.

“Don’t talk about Heaven's will!” A smile was plastered on Jaemin’s face, as if the previous deathly glare was only an illusion. His tone was still flirtatious yet there was something fierce that made Jeno shudder a little. Jaemin was an excellent spy; at that moment, Jeno understood the capabilities of this Na Jaemin.

***

It was already late at night when Jeno exited from the main building to help Haewon take care of some annoying clients. The snow was no longer here, but the chilly air of winter still stayed behind. The day was almost over and Jeno hurriedly went to his place. Despite the cold weather, his body was on fire – an effect of Flaming Poison, twisting his organs every midnight until the approaching of dawn.

In this tranquility, away from the festivities, the rustle of the leaves was echoing in the wind. Behind the darkness, Jeno could sense an ambiguous aura, he quickened his step, pretending he hadn’t noticed anything. When he felt the direction of the blowing wind change slightly, he threw the dagger hidden under his robe. _Clang._ The sound of metal against metal was heard in the air. Jeno released a part of his spiritual energy, allowing the Flaming Poison to run freely in his veins. He retrieved his dagger using his spiritual energy when a shadow flashed in his direction. Did _they_ find him? It was impossible. Jeno had been a member of a secret group, only Doyoung, Taeyong, and a few elder members knew about his existence. And he didn’t feel any murderous aura of the Forgotten Valley, it could only be the Phoenix Pavilion – Na Jaemin. 

Jeno turned his back, holding his dagger tightly, floating in the air when he felt the icy aura of a sword. Clashing their weapons, there was nothing to be heard, only the rustle of wind blowing in the night. He managed to find an opportunity to plunge his dagger under the blade of the other’s shoulder when he felt an enormous spiritual energy heading and slamming into his back, he coughed a mouthful of blood. Trying to regulate his inner force, the Flaming Poison went rampant, peeling the flesh off his hide and crushing every organ inside. Jeno staggered until he saw the figure holding a sword, his white robe stained in blood, gushing from under his blade shoulder. Jaemin’s black jet hair was dancing in the wind and the petals of plum blossoms found their way to rest on his shoulders. The night slipped deeper and in the haze of this indescribable illusion, he found the bottom of those peach blossom eyes. Jeno vomited once again before losing consciousness, yet he didn’t fear anything – not even the shadow of death.

Jeno woke up with spiritual energy engulfing his body, calming down the Flaming Poison and sealing his internal energy. In the dim light, as his vision got clearer, he saw a visage embodied in elegance. Jaemin’s face was pale, he must have spent almost all of his spiritual energy to calm him down. Jeno pulled his hand out the other’s grasp, stopping their temporary connection.

“Dawn is coming, it will stop soon,” he muttered, no vulnerability in his voice. Jeno was good at enduring pain, it was one of the most important traits he had needed to master. Jaemin only nodded his head as he unfastened his sash and opened up his lapel until it revealed white skin against the color of red. Only at that moment, Jeno noticed the fragrance of sandalwood incense looming in the air, the smell of Jaemin’s body every time he got closer to him. He was in Jaemin’s room. Jeno observed the surroundings, there was a zither sitting on the table and a few books resting on the cabinet; beside that, this room was really similar to his. His gaze then landed on the figure who was applying herbal medicine to his open wound and Jeno got up, seizing the bottle of medicine that Jaemin was holding.

“Let me help you,” he said as he carefully applied medicine to the clean wound.

“Why did you help me? Weren’t all your guesses true?” Jeno asked and there was a long silence. When he looked up, his eyes met with Jaemin lowering his head, beholding him.

“If I say it was because of compassion, will you believe me?” Jaemin answered him with another question, his eyes looked at him in sincerity, letting him drown himself in the serenity that he held. Jeno looked away quickly as he started to bandage the other’s wound.

“It’s Flaming Poison.” Jaemin was the one who broke the silence and Jeno only nodded in agreement.

“You left because you weren’t cut out to be an assassin. You are such a soft-hearted person, Mister Lee.” 

Jeno never lost control over his emotions, never once had he showed his wavering emotions in front of others. Yet, at this moment, his hand slightly trembled as he found eyes looking at him under the beaming of dawn. It was the first time someone was able to see him that he felt naked laying under the sunlight. He didn’t hate this feeling but the seed of fear was growing within his heart. Na Jaemin was dangerous, his existence made a way to slip through his untouchable wall.

***

Some people were meant to stay, some would leave despite the years they walked side by side, and some – when they looked back from the little time they spent together – felt like they had known each other for eternity. As if they were born to meet each other, to get to know one another. It sounded foolish, too dreamy and too irrational, but when Jeno looked forward to tomorrow, he found a familiar figure in front of him, smiling brightly like the sunlight draped over his existence, it was so blinding yet beautiful.

After that night, Jaemin started spending more time with him. They talked about so many things, about another side of the world they had seen, about the scenery and many interesting things they had experienced. Jaemin never asked him anything related to the Forgotten Valley, or sought any information, they were just there sitting like two old friends. Jeno talked a lot, it was something unfamiliar, having someone to listen attentively while he was only talking about how he found a stray cat under the willow tree or how he spent his leisure days gazing at the green mountains. Jaemin was a good listener, he was a good person, a good companion. And laughter could be heard echoing in his room, Jaemin laughed as he carried the sunlight that sometimes it made Jeno’s body freeze, afraid to taint this light with the filth all over his body.

“Jeno?” A cold hand caressed his cheek gently, waking him up from his trance.

"You are being possessed by your demon heart," Jaemin said and it surprised him _a lot_ , the way the other easily saw through him when the time they had spent together was merely a blink of the eye. Doyoung, who saw him growing up, failed to even see his true heart.

"I know." There was melancholy in Jeno’s eyes. Jaemin could see how the other didn’t bother to hide this emotion when they were alone.

"Is it guilt?" Jaemin asked, filling their cups with the boiling tea.

"And regret." Jeno didn’t deny it, what was the use of denying and hiding, when the other was able to read him like an open book.

"I see. It’s terrifying when you think about it." Jaemin handed him a cup of tea and he saw him gazing outside. Spring was here and the plum blossom petals started to wither away.

"What do you know?” It startled him for a moment, then Jeno remembered the bottomless abyss in those eyes and he came to understand – everyone was bound to have a demon within their heart.

"The demon heart? Of course, I’m not a Buddha, I’m just an ordinary human being." 

Jeno was staring at him, holding back a question he didn’t dare to ask, or he didn’t know how to ask. Jaemin’s lips formed a small smile and their eyes met.

"It’s loneliness.” In that pair of peach blossom eyes, Jeno found a trace of vulnerability. Jaemin let Jeno see everything in a mutual exchange for showing his true emotions. They said, some people were meant to meet each other and after years of searching, his encounter with Jeno was like a granted wish he kept on praying in front of the temple. It was unfortunate that they hadn’t met sooner. Meeting each other sooner so Jeno didn’t have to drink Flaming Poison, so he could live longer without suffering from the burning fire every midnight. Jaemin didn’t ask anything about Jeno’s past because he knew those memories left the other with a gaping wound that wouldn’t get healed in this lifetime. Yet, it didn’t stop him from investigating Flaming Poison and its capabilities, his heart told him that he wished to save the other, because he was afraid of loneliness and parting.

“You look like that stray cat I raised,” Jeno mumbled as he patted Jaemin’s head a few times. Jaemin woke up from his absentmindedness, staring at the other, and he saw the way a smile curved and reached Jeno’s eyes, forming a pair of crescent moons. It was the first time Jaemin saw the other’s smile; it was so breathtaking that he forgot to breathe.

“You… you…” Jaemin stumbled upon his own words and a faint pink flush colored his cheeks as if taking away every fear and uncertainty and letting the spring bloom in every flower. “You hold the moon in your eyes.” 

Jeno’s smile grew bigger and his eyes became smaller, a laugh escaped and resounded in his eardrums.

“Young Master Na, you are really good at flirting, aren’t you?” Jeno asked and the other just avoided his gaze. Jaemin liked to tease him, saying all sorts of embarrassing things in front of him that it made him flustered, not knowing how to respond. One thing Jaemin never knew was that Jeno had perfected the art of avoiding seduction and flirting, unable to enjoy beauties and delicacies. But this sight, the way pink color bloomed under the sunlight and radiated on Jaemin’s angular face, Jeno unconsciously mumbled the word _cute._

“My dear god, I didn’t think I would live long enough to witness a blushing Na Jaemin.” It was Haewon, entering Jeno's room with a basket of pastries and a jar of liquor. She was wearing a yellow gown, exposing her shoulders and she let her hair down with only one hairpin decorating her head.

"I have known him for three years and no one could ever make him blush. Please don't let my girls know or else they will be heartbroken." There was a tease in her tone before she made a way to put the items that she brought to the table. 

"These pastries are freshly baked and this liquor originally comes from the North, it's really sweet. You both can enjoy it while stargazing," she explained while her eyes darted between Jeno to Jaemin.

"I won't be a bother, I will take my leave first. Oh, right, Jeno! Please don't smile like that in front of my girls or they will lose their minds. I can't believe we only have two men in the White Lotus and both of them are womanizers!" A grin was painted on her face as she walked away without letting Jeno or Jaemin speak. When she stepped outside the room, her eyes gazed at the azure sky, the wind blowing along with the fragrance of flowers. Spring was here, inexplicably blooming in the hearts of those who remained oblivious. Haewon couldn't see the future nor predicted unforeseen things, but she had lived long enough to understand the growing seed of peach blossom flowers. And she wished nothing but happiness to be bestowed upon them. 

***

Days moved faster when life became a subject of enjoyment. Jeno thought it was only a lie being told to desperate people so they would never stop seeking enlightenment in life, to free themselves from the feeling of suffocation. Yet, at this moment, all he could feel was the contentment of liberation, the will of being alive even though the tribulations struck him down like heavy thunder.

The constellation was drawn in the dark night sky, shining brighter as the day came to an end, and Jeno was clenching his fists so hard that he could feel his bones crack. The Flaming Poison was struggling to come out of his system, peeling layers within him, wrecking his flesh, setting everything on fire. After releasing a tiny part of it during his combat with Jaemin, the effect became so much worse, and Jeno instantly understood its lethality.

A trace of blood was dripping from the edge of Jeno’s mouth. Many memories were surging like a raging flood inside his mind – blood, corpses, curses, and his inability to rewrite his own destiny, like enduring a retribution where he got lost in the darkest abyss. So many questions about life and so many answers about himself, Jeno wanted to find another answer, to teach himself, to tell him with certainty and authenticity about his existence. Amid this madness, in silence that killed him slowly, strings of zither were being plucked, weaving melodies to soothe this insufferable pain, to make everything bearable, even the tangles within his heart.

Jeno remembered the way Jaemin came to him in seriousness that he’d never shown to Jeno before. “Don’t ever release your internal energy again. I will protect you, this is my promise.” Leaning his head against his shoulder, Jeno felt Jaemin’s body tremble. As if Jaemin could see how his body grew weaker, how the poison seemed to be more uncontrollable. And Jeno stared at him, at the top of Jaemin’s head. His hands were hanging in the air, hesitantly wanting to put them on the other’s back, and he did as he leaned closer. It was the first time someone said they wanted to protect him and a warm feeling seeped into his joints, as if the sun rose for the first time in the darkness within himself.

Jaemin helped him alleviate this suffering with his unspoken words and unyielding understanding. As the night went deeper, a piece of music filled Jeno’s eardrums, engulfing his room with a trace of familiar spiritual energy. Like a remedy that brought him into a gentle slumber, a deep voice sang in between the melodies. Without a word to express and his eyes closed, tears fell in his dreamless sleep, unconsciously bawling from the deepest part of his soul. 

_"Orchids bloom in the green mountains, hidden behind the valleys._

_The fragrance fills through this stillness that I wish to pluck one to accompany your journey."_

***

“Mister Lee, let’s go! It’s time for Sister Minji to perform her new song,” a young woman excitedly led the way, her smile beaming under the light. Night had arrived, yet the White Lotus became the brightest place, surrounded by red lanterns, as if all the festivities from this city were in this place. 

“Yeona, don’t drag him like that. Minji hasn’t even finished preparing.” It was Haewon, sitting leisurely while drinking a cup of wine. She gestured for Jeno to sit next to her and Jeno knew this room was a special guest room with a great view of the stage.

On the stage, Jeno noticed a familiar figure, holding his zither with him. He looked up and their eyes met; Jaemin smiled at him so brightly like all the light in this place was drawn to his face. Jeno hadn’t known he was a part of today’s show.

“Jaemin volunteered himself,” Haewon said, as if knowing his question. There was a loud cheer from the tables on the first floor. A woman dressed in purple tunic was walking to the center of the stage. She bore elegance in her every move. The music started playing, and a soft, beautiful voice was echoing through the whole building. The audiences were entranced, as if paralyzed, awed by this sheer magnificence of delicacy.

_“Descending to the mortal realm, waiting upon you whom I carry my life with._

_Wandering in the vast world until you get reborn and I knock at your gate._

_I hold my heart with me, my dear, to put you higher than immortality.”_

The tune was melancholy, striking sadness and longing of something unreachable. There was no noise beside the melodies from the music instruments and Minji’s voice, everyone was immersed in the tale of faraway dreams. Haewon touched Jeno’s shoulder and she asked him in a low voice, “Do you know the story of this song?” Jeno shook his head.

"There is a folk tale from a rural village in the South. A long time ago when the universe was still in a state of chaos, two gods were born, guarding the sky and the earth. A hundred years later when the universe wasn't fully transformed, humans hadn't existed yet, and chaos once again emerged. The two of them were bound to sacrifice themselves but one of the gods broke the vow and let the universe drain his primordial spirit until his existence perished to complete the true form of the universe. It’s said, until this very day, the other god keeps roaming in the mortal realm to look for a tiny piece of the other’s soul, the one whom he yearns for the most even after thousands of years.” Jeno didn’t answer, transfixed by the figure on the stage, and he felt warmth creep into his body, like a sudden realization that he couldn’t grasp just yet.

“All living beings have hearts, even us mere humans.” Clearly hearing her mumble, Jeno froze for a moment, his eyes not leaving Jaemin even for one second. As if aware of his gaze, the other looked up, a pair of peach blossom eyes staring back at Jeno. Behind the shadow of red lanterns and the strong smell of perfume, Jeno’s heart was pounding and a faint of sandalwood smell lingered in the air.

_"And all along I believe; where there's fate, I will find you."_

When the last verse was poignantly sung, a string within his heart snapped, unravelling an answer he had been asking for a while. _He had a heart_. It was something he had long forgotten. It didn’t slap him into reality until the cheers reached his ears, and Jeno averted his gaze from Jaemin’s figure. A fear was born and became something dreadful gnawing his heart. Jaemin was like a sun that bled the light, so far away from the darkness that followed him behind. And a feeling that he couldn’t quite name it was blooming inside him, even though spring wilted away - it was enough to scare him.

***

“You are really good at playing the zither.” It was a sunny afternoon where the early breeze of summer was blowing gently. The smell of sandalwood was filling Jeno’s senses and he leaned his back on the wall while holding a book in his hand.

“I excel in both literature and the arts.” Jaemin answered nonchalantly with a grin on his face as the sunlight basked and fell on his figure.

“But Jaemin, you don’t have to play the zither for me every night.” It was more like asking for something that he didn’t deserve to get. Jaemin didn’t reply, his eyes were probing, looking for an answer beneath his soul.

“I’m grateful for what you have done for me, but I don’t want to put you in a difficult situation. I, after all, am still related to the Forgotten Valley.” Jeno explained and it was the truth, even though he desperately tried to wash his skin to peel off every layer, drain every drop of his blood, until he shrunk into nothingness. Forgotten Valley was deeply engraved to his flesh and bones, as a curse, as a reminder for the sins he had committed.

“I’m not a member of the Phoenix Pavilion but it’s true that I helped them gather information about the Forgotten Valley. I relayed the messages directly to their leader and I knew nothing about their organization. I did it on my own volition and I could stop any time on my own volition – I have stopped since you came here if it’s what you are worried about.” 

A surprised look was on Jeno’s face and Jaemin smiled; he thought Jeno really looked like a puppy.

“You aren’t a spy?” Jeno asked him, half raising his voice and Jaemin nodded his head in agreement.

“You---“ Jeno doubted him, because Jaemin's ability to understand human beings, his ability to erase his true intention, he would be a great spy, Jaemin had probably been told a lot before. But Jaemin didn’t bow down to fate, he was roaming in his own small world, trying to find something worthy to be remembered for in life.

“I’m from the Na Family. My father is the Grand Chancellor of the current emperor, my oldest brother is making his name in the Ministry of State Affairs, and my second brother holds a position in the Imperial Army. If I hadn’t mastered the art of hiding everything, how would I live until today? My mother was the first wife, she was the only daughter of General Kim who served at the Northern border. She should have lived a comfortable life, right? But she was born weak. She didn’t get pregnant until much later, and after I was born, she was hanging between life and death. No one could protect me, the son of the first wife, and in my father’s eyes, I was nothing but an eyesore.”

Jaemin’s mother passed away when he was nine years old, his maternal grandfather wanted to take him to join the garrison, but his father wouldn't let him, Jaemin was too young at that time, he said. But everyone knew the only reason; he didn’t want to lose Jaemin’s grandfather's prestige. Jaemin was living in a manor that was haunted by demons and ghosts. His older brothers loathed his existence, his father’s mistress was afraid of his position as the first wife’s son, yet at the same time his father didn’t want to let him go.

Jaemin was staring at the blue sky, looking back at those countless memories buried at the back of his head. Jeno hesitantly reached out and his fingertips grazed slightly against Jaemin's skin, as if wanting to give him reassurance yet careful not to trespass his boundaries. Jeno was about to retract his hand, but Jaemin grabbed his hand, holding it tightly.

“My grandfather said, marrying his daughter to the Na Family was his karma, all my mother’s suffering and my suffering, it all happened because of him. But I don’t resent anyone, can you believe it Jeno? I truly don’t resent anyone.” Jeno caressed his hand and both of them could feel the shaking warmth that ran deep to every joint. When Jeno glanced at him, there was vulnerability embedded in his soul, as if he was seeing the younger Jaemin, convincing himself that he didn’t harbor any hatred. Jeno understood that feeling very well, the act of letting go because life was too painful to bring along resentment.

“My grandfather sent me his trusted acquaintance when I was ten. His name is Jaehyun, the current leader of the Phoenix Pavilion, and he taught me martial arts. I really learned a lot from him, he was like the father figure and older brother that I never had. He left when I was fourteen, he said he had bigger responsibilities in his hands, but I knew that he was appointed as the leader of the Phoenix Pavilion. I never stopped trying. I tried... I tried to prove myself worthy, for my mother, for my father, but it was never enough. I would never be as good as my older brothers, that’s what my father said. It made me suffocated and tired of everything. I was fifteen when my grandfather came to my father, he asked for me to be sent to the Northern border once the situation got better to learn about fighting and wars, and for the first time, my father agreed. My grandfather handed me the family’s deeds in secret, asking me to keep it for him until he was back.”

The next year, Jaemin learned that his grandfather wouldn’t come to pick him up, his whole family from his mother’s side was being wiped out entirely. It hit him like thunder bludgeoning his heart that no one had stayed with him, everyone left him with nothing but unfulfilled promises. Jaemin ran away from home because he was immature, because he was tired of being not enough. He never cared for the position of being the heir. His grandfather left him enough wealth for him to live in luxury. There was nothing binding him anymore. He was free but his heart was empty; he could see the whole world but nothing caught his eyes. He went to visit Kim Manor on the Northern border, he built an ancestral hall for his mother’s family. It was the last act of filial piety he could offer to them.

Wandering ceaselessly around the world, he arrived at the Phoenix Pavilion when he was seventeen. Jaehyun greeted him in person, saying that he had been searching for his whereabouts. The older told Jaemin about so many things, about the current political uproar and that was when another knife pierced through his gaping heart. His father was the head of the new rebellion, siding with the crown prince and he was one of the reasons that Jaemin’s mother's whole family was being wiped out – because they were loyal to the previous emperor.

There was nothing left behind in his life, searching for a meaning where he never had a purpose to carry his life. Floating aimlessly in a place he didn’t belong to, he just wanted to be swallowed by the whole world. Jaehyun asked him to join the Phoenix Pavilion but Jaemin declined that. He became acquainted with Haewon and they joined forces to make the White Lotus become as big as it was. This was where Jaemin ended up settling down and offered Jaehyun a hand, in return for him protecting the White Lotus.

“It’s funny, right? I feel like all my family's karma is being passed down for me to shoulder. Tell me Jeno, do I even have any energy left to resent anyone or _fate_? Do I want to accumulate more bad karma to be brought to my next life?” Jaemin asked Jeno in a mocking tone, just like a curse that he never knew could embed him in a different way.

“Humans like to give up – to let go of things that hurt them, it’s the easiest thing to do. I, too, fall victim.” Jeno said, still caressing the back of Jaemin’s hand, wishing to give reassurance. But what could he offer? When his skin was rotting from pungent blood and decaying corpses – he was too filthy.

“You are like the sun giving its light to shine in the darkness, Jaemin, dazzling so brilliantly. Yet, people fear to get close to you. They fear melting under your radiance like the wax that drips down from the side of a candle,” he added and Jaemin titled his head to meet his eyes.

“Are you afraid of me as well?” Jaemin peered at him, looking for an answer they both already knew.

“I am.” Jaemin was too dazzling for his filthy hands to touch, too blinding for his tainted soul to hold. He wasn’t afraid to melt and become nothingness - he was afraid he would stain the other with blemishes all over his body.

“I was born from within the darkness, crawling my way from the abyss that buried me. You think too highly of me, Jeno.” Jaemin clasped Jeno’s hand tightly, bringing it to rest on his face. “See, you are _not_ melting.” Holding his hand tightly, Jaemin kissed the top of Jeno’s fingers. _Skin to skin_ , a simple touch that set both of them on fire.

_“It’s my heart – that is melting and burning.”_ Jeno left those words unsaid, feeling the sensation where their skin met. It was scalding hot, like a fire ignited within, burning passion and every fleeting momentary sentiment he never knew he was capable of feeling.

They didn’t speak for a long time, drowning in their own busy thoughts. Their hands were no longer intertwined, but the warmth still lingered where their skin had touched. The soft melody of the zither caused Jeno to doze off, Jaemin was _still_ observing the other, the way his long hair fell from his shoulder and the sunlight dappled through rustling leaves over his face.

Jaemin felt a sense of security, a feeling where he was wrapped in a thick cocoon until he was warm and no coldness could seep in. Jeno bought tranquility into his heart, like a lost purpose that he found in a wandering quest. He found comfort in Jeno, the way his exquisite visage resembled the moon radiating the night, bearing the crescents under his eyes, and Jeno felt like the home that he never had, serenity where he offered certainty.

_“I’m falling for you, how unfortunate I am – you who are bound to leave me alone.”_

***

A summer shower was pouring, pattering against the ground, raindrops kissing as they met the earth. Almost half of a year had passed, time never stopped rotating as destiny carried him to embrace the word "companion" that still tasted sweet yet bitter on the tip of his tongue. Jeno looked up, the downpour still falling, and he reached out his hand to feel the raindrops rolling and wetting his sleeves. It was quietness he never dared to dream of, a state of peace in his heart that he was living under the sun without a mask to cover his identity. 

"You will get drenched if you stay like that." A familiar voice came and Jeno woke up from his trance. He held his breath as their eyes met, blue robe swaying in the wind and gentleness cast on his face.

"What are you doing here?" Jeno asked, still playing with the raindrops. Haewon had asked him to help her deal with some business, the sky had been clear when he went out without any herald of rain.

"Picking you up." Jaemin threw a paper umbrella at him before turning his back and walking away. Jeno stood still for a whole minute, there was an illusion of warmth lingering in this paper umbrella in his hand that seemed to run into his soul. An unknown sentiment bloomed and his heart was pounding as he gazed at the back in front of him; he wanted to reach out and embrace that person. Jeno did, running with his open umbrella and their hands slightly brushed before he reached out and intertwined their fingers. Jaemin looked at him in astonishment, but his lips curved into a perfect smile.

_"And all along I believe; where there's fate, I will find you."_

Those words suddenly resonated in his mind like a divine providence that convinced him of the ambiguity of this feeling. Meeting and parting, if they were never a form of connection, was their encounter meaningless? Because when Jeno asked himself this question, his heart kept telling him: _it was fate, a fateful meeting_. Yet for him to indulge in this warmth that soothed every madness, would he be punished for tainting Jaemin's beautiful soul? Life was a cycle of pain and suffering, and a human’s heart was the home for demons and evils.

“Jeno, don’t you want to live in a more quiet place?” Jaemin was sitting close to him and a strong smell of sandalwood engulfed his senses.

“I don’t have another place to go.” Jeno knew the reason for this question. The Flaming Poison had taken a bad turn as the heat was rising, burning him even during the daylight and it made him look lifeless, like all his life force was being sucked out. He wouldn’t survive if Jaemin wasn’t alleviating his pain through his spiritual energy.

"I can support you."

"What?"

"I can keep you in my house. I may not look like it, but I’m still a young master from a privileged family." 

Jeno let out a small laugh before he looked into Jaemin's eyes. "Keep me? So will I become the wife or mistress Young Master Na?" There was a hint of tease in his tone. 

Jaemin chuckled and raised Jeno's chin using the edge of his fan before leaning his face closer until their breath mingled. "You can choose, beauty. But keeping you alone is enough for me in this lifetime." Jaemin whispered right into Jeno's ear, before a smile crept on his face. "You are blushing, Mister Lee." 

Jeno’s long eyelashes fluttered and Jaemin had the urge to reach out, caressing the side of Jeno's face. Jeno leaned into his touch, drowning in each other’s eyes, Jaemin seeking approval, a mutual agreement in those eyes holding the moon.

Jeno lowered his head and granted him permission to be able to hold him within his mortal fingers, Jaemin closed the distance between them and gently pressed their lips together until Jeno’s lips broke into a smile so large that his eyes crinkled. Jaemin opened his mouth to breathe into the kiss, sliding his warm tongue into the other’s territory. Jeno put his arms around his neck, bringing their bodies closer until there was no gap in between. They gave into their hearts in the stuffy breeze of a summer day, indulging themselves in the gentleness that they wanted to offer. Jaemin could taste the sharpness of blood inside Jeno's mouth, so he cradled Jeno’s body in his arms. Holding him tightly, as if afraid that he would just disappear when he woke up from this fever dream. 

“Sleep,” Jaemin whispered softly while sending his spiritual energy to lessen Jeno’s discomfort before his body started twisting from the effects of the poison.

_“I wish I could free you from this suffering.”_

***

Summer never became the unbearable season it could have been for Jeno. Green mountains, untamed rivers hidden in the valleys, the wind carried coolness under the shadow of the trees and the sunlight never fell directly on the ground. It was like a long dream, an unreachable place he wouldn't step into again in this lifetime. This summer had become an object to mount his pain and sentiment on. It no longer had the same landscape scenery, but Jaemin, who was more brilliant than the summer itself. 

"You fancy him." Haewon handed him a refreshment, her line of sight was on the figure sitting in the small pavilion with some women. Jeno struggled to answer, unable to deny or admit it himself. There were mountains of questions, he hadn't found the answers just yet. So many fears, fear of leaving Jaemin behind, for tainting Jaemin's soul, for staining the white with carmine. And many regrets were born: if only he hadn't drank the Flaming Poison, if only they met sooner, if only they hadn't met at all, and it brought him to the thought of "if only I hadn't been a part of the Forgotten Valley." 

"Sometimes, I wish some feelings could remain hidden and buried." Never to see the light so he would never know how to desire someone, to yearn for him until his heart ached and wrung in agony. He didn't dare to admit it, getting lost in his own mental labyrinth, afraid he would end up asking for more. Humans were greedy by nature and he wasn't an exception. 

"Some feelings become more painful the more one tries to deny their existence." Haewon's words were loud and clear and Jeno knew it better than anyone else. She patted his shoulder a few times before adding another sentence, “You don't need to overthink. Some things are better left without any answers or questions.”

Fate led them to an unnamed road where only the two of them could walk to arrive at the final destination. There was no such thing as a beginning or ending, everything happened in a circle of fate, because the end and the beginning were one and same. If Jeno thought about it, there was nothing he needed to be afraid of. Yet, wasn't it too selfish to savor this feeling in the bareness of one's heart? 

When Haewon left, Jaemin came to him. The dusk was painted in the sky along with a smile beaming in the horizon. 

"Young Master Na, please do support me." Jeno leaned half of his body on Jaemin's chest, burying his face in the crook of the other's neck. He was ready to comply, to yield in the name of fate. Jaemin could see his reasons, how could that man not understand the obvious trembling tone in his voice? 

"I will take you anywhere you want to fly away to." There were no words they needed to say. Their feelings were mutual, neither of them were oblivious of the growing sentiments within their hearts. Calling out for only one person, desperately trying to hold on without leaving marks because they were afraid of hurting each other. 

***

They left the White Lotus one week later, bidding farewell and promising to meet again. Jeno's heart shivered, a thought flashed through his mind that he wanted to capture this _last moment_ with them. Haewon stuffed the jade lotus ornament in his hand, saying that this place would always be his to return to. 

"Before reaching the mountain, there's a friend I want to visit. Do you mind?" Jaemin asked while gently ruffling his hair. Jeno hummed in return. The carriage was comfortable, but because the sun was scorching, he felt like his insides were being gutted. The coolness of Jaemin's spiritual energy was transmitted to his body, keeping his mind sane in his most perilous state. The compatibility between two spiritual energies was unlikely to happen, every person had their own beliefs ingrained into their souls to form their spiritual energies. Just like a voice resounding since their first meeting, it was a future that they finally grasped together, _they were meant to be_ , fated to meet each other in this lifetime. 

"You can wait here. I already booked some rooms. Tomorrow, we will enter the mountain," Jaemin briefed his henchman as the man nodded his head, the carriage disappeared to the back of the Forest Inn.

Under the blistering heat, Jeno wore a white veiled hat with a thin robe colored in blue. He matched Jaemin's pace, walking around in this bustle and hustle of the city. 

"This friend of mine is named Jungwoo. He's a very skilled physician serving under the Phoenix Pavilion. Will you… will you let him assess your health?" It was the first time Jeno noticed hesitancy in Jaemin's voice and he suddenly understood the purpose of coming here. 

_"But Jaemin, I understand this poison better than any skilled physicians. It's my doom to die on this road."_ He swallowed those words stuck in his throat. It choked him up that the air seemed to stop circulating in his lungs. Jeno nodded in agreement so Jaemin led the way to enter an herbal shop. The other spoke to the attendant before a young man hurriedly exited from inside the room. 

Jungwoo took Jeno's hand and put his fingers to feel the pulsing blood running through his blood vessels, frowning. Jaemin was praying, he prayed, he prayed, and he prayed for a miracle to be bestowed from Heaven. Jungwoo pierced a needle into the tip of Jeno's fingertip and his blood dripped and dissolved slowly in water. Jungwoo looked at Jeno for a second, his expression was complicated before turning his head to Jaemin. 

"Flaming Poison, huh? There's no way to detox this poison, I can only prescribe some medicines to lessen the pain. The fact that he's still alive is already a miracle." Jungwoo explained and Jaemin should have known this already. Praying for a miracle, but he wanted more grandeur heavenly wishes: for Jeno to be safe and sound, for Jeno to stay with him until the mountains and rivers collapsed and turned into oblivion, for him to not be left alone when this sentiment gnawed his heart and dragged him into the horror of loneliness. 

"Don't frown. It's my punishment." Jeno reached out his hand to smooth the crease on Jaemin's forehead. Their eyes met, dancing in spilled emotions and the depth of the abyss that they individually owned. Punishment? What was the meaning of fate itself when it was nothing but a chain of suffering? A breeze was blowing, stifling the air and Jaemin was so close to breaking down. 

“If you were gone then how would I live?” There was a flicker of anguish running beneath the crevice of those sparkling eyes. The clouds were streaked with orange underneath blurred crimson where the light and warmth of the sun diminished slowly. Jeno could suddenly see the true form of Jaemin's demon heart. 

"Let's go back." Before Jeno could utter a reply, Jaemin abruptly turned and walked away. The wind was rushing too quickly and the lingering of sandalwood was floating in the air. His white veiled hat was opened slightly, allowing a gap to capture one person in his line of sight. In front of him was the figure dressed in white robe, his back alone shrouded in an impenetrable barrier of loneliness, so far away that his fingers were unable to reach, farther than where the wind could go. 

Jeno looked at his own hand and gripped it harder until he felt the blood rushing to bleed. In the end, he smeared the light with the filth engraved on his body, marred the whiteness with his disgraceful existence even though he kept on telling himself not to. Jeno was scared of the scarlet of red flowers that screamed in the darkness, born in his nightmares and swallowing the light. Leaving everything in a state of oblivion, a catastrophe, his reflection against the mirror. 

The city was bustling once the sun set and the dark night was painted against the sky. Colorful lanterns were hanging in every corner of the city, giving a touch of endless cheer. Jaemin stopped and when he looked back, Jeno was no longer within his vision, hidden amongst the huge throng of passersby. He slunk out like a coward, unravelling a part of his vulnerability but running away when Jeno was about to reach him. 

Those words that he had blurt out weighed on him like a heavy burden hanging on his shoulder, crushing his bones, and bludgeoning his heart. Jaemin vividly saw an unending storm rising underneath those calm orbs holding the moon and a deep fear that crawled into his heart. It was a real reflection of their souls that both of them were so brittle, too easy to break apart when the waves raged to destroy their hearts.

"Who do you come with, young man? You look so troubled," a middle aged man asked him politely. When Jaemin came back to his senses, he was standing in front of a lantern shop. The light was so dazzling that he had to adjust his vision for a few seconds.

"A... companion." The word companion was struggling to come out of his mouth.

"My dearest companion," Jaemin added, emphasizing a different meaning. _Jeno was his dearest companion._

As if understanding his words, the middle aged man gave him a smile, "Humans are prone to make mistakes and we also learn to apologize. Disagreement, agreement, expectation, and reality, sometimes we just have to swallow everything, to cherish the moment before it disappears.”

Those words tugged a string within Jaemin’s heart, twisting so painfully that he wanted to run away. He was afraid to come back, afraid that Jeno had already left him, afraid that everything was over the moment he turned his back and walked away. Jaemin knew Jeno always let him hold this ambiguity that existed between their hearts, so vague yet also obvious. Jeno waited for him to take a step forward, when he was willing to accept everything – their ending and the little time to spend togetherness. Because they were bound to be a tragedy since the first time their eyes collided under the blooming plum blossoms. They were destined to be a scar in each other’s soul.

“Take it with you and let the wind take your wish away. It may reach Heaven.” The middle aged man shoved a paper lantern into his hands. When Jaemin reached into his lapel to give him money, he was pushed forward. “Go! Your companion must be waiting for you.”

_Companion_. That word tasted sweet yet it left an aftertaste of bitterness. Meeting and then parting, it was a circle of inevitability, proof that nothing lasted forever, no one would stay even if they desperately begged to every deity or god. It was fate because meeting also meant parting and Jaemin understood very well the meaning behind this glimpse of ambivalence. People would eventually leave whether it was their will or purely because their time ran out. He, too, already left someone behind, maybe his father, maybe his mother, maybe his grandfather (or maybe it was only him who always got left behind).

_“If you were gone then how would I live?”_

Now, those words sounded so foolish, dumb and selfish. Like snapping the fragile bridge they carefully built between themselves, letting everything crumble and fall apart. They were supposed to be solace, to be a place to lie down when the whole world was too suffocating to bear, without demanding anything in return. And Jaemin broke that unspoken rule when he verbalized the voice of his heart, imposing his ego on Jeno. There was nothing left to bind them together when the safest place became unbearable, when he encroached upon the other, and it was just like a herald of farewell.

Crossing the bridge, holding the paper lantern, the flowing river under him reflected the moon on a ripple of water. Jaemin raised his head as he looked at the bustling of the crowd and a familiar figure in his grey robe was ascending to where he was standing. Jeno no longer wore his white veiled hat, exposing his ethereal face against the city’s light and amid the noise ringing around him, Jeno seemed to carry stillness to his ears.

“What are you doing here?” Jaemin fumbled with his own words, unable to look straight into the other’s eyes.

“You took so long to come back,” Jeno muttered his answer, leaning his back against the rail of the bridge.

“Do you come here to say goodbye?” Fiddling the rope of the paper lantern in his hand, he lit a fire until flames colored the white paper. 

“Do you want me to say goodbye?” Jeno asked, tilting his head a little so the sight of Jaemin’s side profile was filling his vision. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said those words.” Cowering at the other’s answer, Jaemin lowered his eyes to gaze at the river and he could see the reflection of their figures blurred when the ripple came in between.

“You worry about me too much.” Jeno grabbed Jaemin’s arm, forcing their eyes to meet. The night breeze was blowing, as if sailing to a far-off distance as they dived into each other’s soul, trying to find a reason to stay in this relationship that bound them to get hurt.

“Let’s go back. I will not run away – nor will you.” It was a soft whisper like reassurance that extinguished the fear in their hearts. Jaemin let go of the paper lantern along with his unspoken wish.

_“I pray for your happiness, for us to be happy in this lifetime.”_

When the night slipped deeper, silence guided the pair of lost souls. Treading over this ephemerality and quenching the dream to hold tightly without words. In the dimness of the light, Jeno thought about so many things, about the pain squeezing his heart when he saw Jaemin walking away, about the words of goodbye that were so close to being blurt out, about his reluctance to compromise on things that were bound to hurt them.

Was this feeling not a sin? If Jeno wanted to smear the light just to sate the greediness in his heart.

“I adore you.” It came out in a barely audible voice, trembling and brimming with vulnerability. Jaemin’s arms clutched him tightly, as if he wanted to engrave his existence within himself.

“I adore you, it’s something that I can no longer hide or avoid. Lee Jeno, I adore you. I have been thinking about so many things; what if we had met sooner, what if we hadn’t met at all, what if we were born with less complicated backgrounds, what if you could live longer, what if you suddenly disappeared and left me alone. In the end, all these thoughts come back to convince me: I adore you. And I wish nothing but to be with you one more day, to offer you authenticity about yourself, about my heart. I’m broken yet I still want to offer you happiness.” Jaemin’s voice sounded muffled, pressing his face against the back of his neck and warm breath tickled down to his spine, jolting his sense that Jeno almost felt overwhelmed. He untangled Jaemin’s arms from his waist, turning his body to face the other as he was cradled in Jaemin’s embrace.

They could feel every uncertainty and fear gnawing within their hearts, about so many possibilities and answers to their questions, and a kernel of sincerity, a burning feeling that lit the abyss where they were living. 

“When I drank the Flaming Poison without a single bit of hesitancy, I just wished to be able to live for another day, even one more day is enough.” Jeno breathed in the smell of sandalwood, the smell of familiarity, of a place he wished to stay after roaming ceaselessly.

“But after meeting you, I become so greedy that I want to stay alive a bit longer. Sometimes, I wonder whether it’s my feelings or your feelings that are so dangerous that they might burn us. Or whether it’s been me all along that will destroy you with my sins.” Laying everything bare, they dug out their own hearts, bleeding and hurting – too vulnerable, too bare, too naked to be seen.

They were a pair of broken vases, trying to mend the pieces of their shattered parts until their fingers bled and they burst into tears. As if, they were standing on a precipice, bawling at the sheer drop of tenacity. They were solace for each other’s existence, beaming like the North Star that led the way to the end of their quest. They were comfort, a true form of contentment, a feeling of home despite the awaiting finale at the door. 

***

_"Evergreen foliage sways in the breeze, gazing at the azure firmament_

_When I look back, your serene figure beams under the sunlight."_

The lush green valleys were painted between the mountains, bamboo groves were swept by the wind, carrying fresh air to soothe the stuffiness of the summer. Its canopy was standing tall, only letting a portion of sunlight break through the gap between its leaves. The breeze was blowing gently as Jeno’s eyes roved the scenery around this huge villa. _Jaemin was truly a young master_.

Jeno was sitting on the balcony, leaning his head against a wooden pillar, with Jaemin laying in his lap and his jet black hair scattered across his legs, bathing in the moonlight. In front of them was the lotus pond, blooming in pink where the koi were swimming freely. Under the placid sky, green branches of plum blossom trees rustle in the breeze. Weeks had passed since they arrived and summer slowly bade its farewell. 

“You don’t want a sip?” 

Jaemin shook his head, enjoying the quietness and this moment of togetherness, of the warmth that seeped into every joint and screamed delight. A jar of liquor that Haewon had sent a few days ago was placed beside them. Jeno drank a mouthful of it while his fingertips caressed Jaemin’s cheek. The other tilted his head a little and when he looked up, a shadow covered his vision, a pair of crystal clear orbs holding him firmly. Jeno captured Jaemin’s lips, the bridge of his nose brushing against Jaemin’s jaw as he deepened the kiss. Jaemin held onto his nape, tasting the delicate tannins and letting it swirl on his tongue. He smiled into the kiss, swooning in bliss as he nibbled the lower part of Jeno’s lip.

"You look happy." Jeno was the one to break their lips apart, still their eyes were diving into each other’s ocean. The moon waned, but the light from that pair of eyes seemed to radiate brighter than the spark of the celestial body. 

"I am because you desire me." Jaemin was tracing his fingers over his exquisite visage, leaving no place untouched, leaving a sensation lingering on his skin. He pulled Jeno’s nape down and their lips met again in a sweetness that resembled nectar.

“Don’t drink too much.” Jaemin's voice sounded so soft, registering in Jeno’s eardrums and making his heart mushy, carrying so much gentleness and care as he was looking at him in worry. Jeno’s face was pale, paler than the color of snow and it made him ache because time only aggravated the Flaming Poison permeating to every fraction of Jeno’s body. Sensing the melancholy that slowly crept into the depths of Jaemin’s eyes, Jeno nuzzled his head against Jaemin’s face, rubbing his nose in the crook of the other’s neck.

“Don’t dwell so much.” There were many things they chose not to speak of and so many things they tried so hard to prove, to serve as pleasant memories when their thoughts became dreadful and unbearable, to give their feelings authenticity.

Jaemin ruffled Jeno’s hair and planted a kiss on the top of his head. A smile curved on Jeno’s lips and his eyes beamed as if they were crescent moons. Moonlight fell on them, serene and blissful shining through the darkness, but Jaemin felt as if the real moon was the one Jeno carried in his eyes.

***

The leaves wilted, parasol trees covered in the red color of fall foliage, the chilly breeze blew a little harsher. When Jeno looked outside, autumn was here to keep him company. Time passed by as if it was a feverish dream he was afraid to be woken from, bursting in a feeling of euphoria. Yet, when he turned around, a pair of warm arms secured his waist. Only then he realized, this was never just a dream, but a reality they had built from brittle ropes to keep them strong as they walked through the abyss that waited to swallow them wholly.

“It’s cold today,” Jeno said as he placed a fur cloak to hang on Jaemin’s shoulder. Jaemin gave him a smile in return, abandoning his brush and leaning his body to snuggle onto Jeno’s chest, ensconcing his face in the crook of his neck. Jeno’s back hit the wooden wall, but he wrapped his arms firmly around Jaemin’s body, caressing his back in a gentle manner to soothe the other.

“Have you done reading those reports?” Jeno asked, his fingers still tracing the length of Jaemin’s spine, and Jaemin only mumbled an incoherent noise as a response. His breath swept across his exposed neck, the buoyant sunlight bask in the room, serving ambience into this stillness. “Let me help you. Mr. Choi will be annoyed if you haven’t finished them before his arrival.” 

Jaemin ignored his words, nuzzling his body tighter until there was no gap between them, letting no chill come in between them.

“He always looks like that, Jeno! And don’t worry, I finished them all.” 

Jeno nodded in acknowledgment. Jaemin owned so many businesses that sometimes Jeno wondered when he even had time to build them all. He was truly a very brilliant person and it made him ponder so many things, whether his decision to stay was right or wrong.

“Your mind isn’t here, beauty,” Jaemin whispered softly, his lips were trailing from his ear down to his neck, peppering him with kisses. It came out naturally, the way they could detect a tiny change of emotion that the other felt. As if, they were one soul in two bodies, connected hearts with a red string that bound them to be together. As if, they were born for each other, mending every piece that got torn apart, filling every crevice of what they never realized they had lost until their paths collided and they felt complete.

The afternoon’s sun glowed behind the bright yellow leaves tainted in subtle brown. The breeze was blowing rather chilly. Jeno was sitting with a book in his hands and sometimes his eyes wandered to gaze at the tranquility of autumn.

“Master, I come to change the bedding.”

“You may enter. Jaemin is still talking with Mr. Lee in the study room.” A woman's voice broke the silence. When she slid the door to enter the room their eyes met for a second before Jeno turned down his eyes and flipped a new page of his book. Jiwoo, the person who was in charge of this villa, was Jaemin’s most trusted maid. She was a few years older than them with a calm and mature bearing. Jeno noticed the way she stole a glance at his direction, as if there was something in Jeno that she wanted to discover.

“Just speak your mind,” Jeno sighed, closing his book and his gaze fell on the woman, who was now slightly bowing her body.

“Master cherishes you.” She raised her head to meet his eyes while keeping her posture with utmost respect. Jeno was startled by the sudden statement, but she didn’t give him time to reply. 

“He lets you spoil him to the point where he allows you to see his weakness, his childishness, and his selfishness. My mother was his wet nurse, we grew up together, so I know what kind of person master is. He looks so approachable, but he keeps people at arm’s length. He acts like he is close to everyone, but in truth he is so distant with everything around him. Yet with you, he peels back every barrier of loneliness that he draws over himself and lets you indulge in something he is always scared of.”

Jiwoo’s words were ringing in his eardrums, filling every nook and cranny within his mind and piercing his heart with the aftertaste of guilt and regret. There was warmth pervading down to his soul that someone held him so high when he was only a lump of filth, but that feeling also stung and questions started flooding his mind: did he deserve this affection?

“Please take care of him,” Jiwoo said her final words before bowing deeper and excusing herself from the room. Jaemin’s figure emerged and resurrected Jeno from death itself, as a ray of sunlight basked in the morning glow and illuminated the darkness within his heart. Jaemin was someone so important to his life that he had come to understand, to clearly discern the meaning from the muddiness of this world.

“What are you thinking about?” Night already slipped over them when Jaemin entered their room, ruffling Jeno’s hair as he planted a kiss on the top of the other’s head. The murky sky was looming above, the autumn rain and wind swaying the last bit of life from the wilting leaves.

Jeno looked up from the book he was holding that he didn’t yet turn a new page. Weariness was painted clearly in Jaemin’s eyes as he took his outer robe and hung it carelessly over the folding screen. Jeno put down his book, following Jaemin to sit at the edge of the bed and the other took this as an invitation to throw himself into his embrace.

“Talking with Mr. Choi always drains my energy,” Jaemin complained while his head rested on Jeno's chest.

“Then, sleep,” Jeno reached out for the hair ornament hanging in Jaemin’s hair, taking it off and letting his long black hair spread around.

“You are no fun! I need comfort, you know,” Jaemin whined in a voice that Jeno couldn’t help but utter the word _cute_ under his breath.

_“He lets you spoil him.”_ Jiwoo’s words flashed through his mind and he brought his chin to rest on Jaemin’s shoulder, inhaling the scent coming from the other’s body. Jeno wanted to have the confidence to raise his head firm when the sun bled every time Jaemin smiled, to keep his step steady and hold himself in this relationship, offering elation to both of their hearts, without having to worry about the brevity of their togetherness.

The sound of the rain hitting the roof filled the room and Jaemin removed himself from Jeno’s embrace, dark smoldering orbs penetrating the depths of his soul. Jaemin caught his lips in an unhurried manner, devouring the taste slowly yet passionately so that Jeno could feel the gentleness and rawness melting into the kisses. Hesitation was swept aside by the downpour and Jeno surrendered to the burning fire as they indulged themselves in the open-mouthed kiss while Jaemin caressed him gently.

They parted, breathless with a strand of saliva still connecting them. Their foreheads touched, breathing in each other and Jaemin's mouth curved into a beam just like the sunlight blinding Jeno’s vision as he pecked Jaemin’s lips.

“I don’t have any confidence about myself, but you help me define it. Jeno, you are more than what you think you are and I am actually less than what you overestimate me to be. Keep your head up, beauty! We won’t get scorched by this flame.” Words soothed the hesitancy building inside Jeno’s heart, like the sun melting ice, and the coldness dissipated. Jaemin saw it, the glimpse of helplessness that flashed beneath the deepest part of his gaze.

“Let the fire burn us and I don’t mind,” Jeno whispered before burrowing his head into Jaemin’s shoulder. Their feelings were there, floating in a certainty they didn’t have to seek, playing with the fire that hadn’t been fully extinguished. 

Jaemin laughed, his laughter echoing in the stillness of the night, as he wrapped Jeno in a tight embrace and traced the line of his jaw, leaving marks across his collarbone, sending tingles and shivers down his spine.

Jaemin was laughing, loud and clear, like fresh air in the nighttime. He let his body fall on the bed and his long black jet hair spread around. Jeno smiled, one that reached his eyes and a pair of crescent moons formed, unveiling the inexplicable desire to hold each other tightly. Jaemin was stunned for a moment before reaching out his hand to caress his velvety skin. Jeno traced Jaemin's hair, letting it slip between his fingers, before roaming to touch Jaemin's face down to his half opened lapel. Their eyes didn’t leave one another, asking for confirmation, before he unfastened Jaemin's sash as he leaned down to capture Jaemin's lips with his. 

The smell of incense filled one's senses, the jar of liquor left untouched yet their minds were already intoxicated by each other's presence. Behind the bed curtain, spring bloomed, permeating warmth and there was no longer the coldness of autumn, but the scalding touch of skin to skin drowning them in ecstacy. 

The torrential downpour swallowed all their noises, tipping down to the ground yet unable to break apart the blooming spring. Autumn’s chill sat down behind their inexhaustible passion, accompanied by their longing to become one. Plucking idyllic memories to etch into each other’s existence, as if they weren’t just made as one entity. Jeno became giddy, delirious, and ecstatic, being cradled in Jaemin’s arms, and he was deeply consumed by the desire of wanting to feel this warmth.

"You bargain with the devil and it's tainting your skin," Jeno muttered as his fingertips lightly trailed Jaemin's jade skin where marks bloomed there. Jaemin let out a laugh, still staring into Jeno's eyes as he raised his fingers to caress his nape.

"There’s little difference between god and the devil, do you know that?" 

Jeno gasped when Jaemin dived for more touches, entangling their bodies until nothing could come in between them.

***

_"Blooming when every color withers, I ask my heart and autumn sends us regards; what are we longing to find?"_

The autumn breeze fluttered, bringing sorrow as the daylight waned and the night became longer. The withering leaves rustled, dancing with the wind and its sound resounding a soothing ambience for those who gave their hearts to that moment. Jeno was sitting with his back leaned against the wall and a book in his hand. Not far from him, Jaemin was meditating, restoring his spiritual energy to keep his body fit. It became a routine for Jaemin since he helped Jeno alleviate his pain through his spiritual energy. 

Jeno’s eyes darted from Jaemin’s figure and to the book he was holding. How much one person was willing to give to the other? Jeno never knew the answer, but meeting with Jaemin gave him the answer; one could sacrifice the whole world to keep the other safe, even with the price of their lives. It left him guilt and fear that he wouldn't be able to repay in this lifetime. 

"And who we will be tomorrow, it all starts from home," Jeno recited the line coming from the book.

Jaemin opened his eyes, relaxing his figure before tilting his head to look at the other, propping his chin on one hand before offhandedly replied, "Leaving home, huh?"

Jeno looked at him and gave him a smile but he didn’t respond and soon the drizzle engulfed the silence. His eyes were gazing at a raindrop that was slowly growing bigger with the rumble of thunder followed behind.

"Leaving home means suffering, they said," Jeno closed his book, crawling his way to lie on the other’s lap. Jaemin didn’t look at him, his mind was digesting something beyond the downpour, but let Jeno to burrow comfortably.

"You are my home,” Jaemin mumbled, barely audible, but Jeno heard it clearly, looking up to see his eyes focused on the rain. _When you are gone, then I will be suffering._ The unspoken words were too easy to hear hanging in the air with the pensive mood. Fear and regret seeped in, so many what ifs overflowed the river, slipping in between their hearts and the vulnerability of their relationship. Jeno wanted to reach out his hand yet he didn’t dare, clenching his fist tightly until he felt his bones crack.

“I don’t want to burden you but I want you to know. Jeno, you are the reason I am holding onto everything. So, please don’t look at me as if you wish to disappear.” Jaemin’s voice came out as a pledge and it tightened Jeno’s chest, like an exchange they didn’t dare to verbalize, and Jaemin blurt out those words hastily.

“Then, you must live well, Jaemin. That’s all I ever want from you.” Jeno closed his eyes and Jaemin grabbed his clasped hands, gently opening them and holding them tightly.

Under the hedge when every color withered, chrysanthemums bloomed in the gracefulness of bright colors, adorning the melancholic touch of autumn. The storm came, ferociously wanting to devour everything, as if, giving a herald of the upcoming calamity.

That night Jeno’s was racked with pain, no longer able to withstand the Flaming Poison, it burned him until he felt suffocated. His mind was clouded, searching for what little was sanity left, rambling incoherently, as if the poison was waiting to swallow him. Jeno’s condition never got better, one second he would look fine and the next second he coughed a mouthful of blood. Jaemin tended to him with great patience, sending his spiritual energy to alleviate Jeno's pain, with calmness painted on his face, as if he had made a peace with destiny.

Jiwoo observed Jaemin carefully, her heart became unsettled because acceptance didn’t mean letting go. There was only a thin line between selflessness and selfishness, a desire that one wished to carve into reality. With this dire fate, hoping a silver lining was drawn in the cloudy sky.

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t take away your pain.” It was an honest apology. Jaemin’s voice cracked, burying his face in the crook of Jeno’s neck. The room didn’t carry the fragrance of sandalwood but a strong smell of herbs, of medicine, and sickness. Jeno turned his back to face the other, and though Jiwoo couldn’t unearth Jaemin's emotions, Jeno could see insecurity and fear brimming beneath those eyes bleeding sunlight and it took his breath away. Walking on this fragile road where fate had left them in ruins with the incapability of preserving their hearts. Holding tightly to give reassurance when their souls shed tears and happiness bid them evanescence. 

“You are here and it’s more than enough.” Jeno brought Jaemin’s face closer, letting the other lean on his chest. Jaemin snuggled into his embrace, feeling the movement of Jeno’s ribcage and the sound of his heartbeat. The downpour was falling and they wished time could be stopped and leave them to enjoy each other’s company.

***

Jeno had been comatose for several days when winter knocked the branches of plum blossoms. No one dared to breathe, the house was engulfed in stifling tension and anxiety, and desperate prayers akin to grievance. Jungwoo was no longer a new face, his shadow coming and going around the house with creases on his forehead.

Jaemin was staring blankly towards the faraway sky, the northern wind blowing chilly and carrying a fragment of memories from the last time snow fell and buried his destiny. It was like a lifelong dream when he looked back and he found a pair of eyes stealing a glance at him. His figure was painted in loneliness and distantness, the way his orbs flickered an unending abyss deeper than the ocean. Jaemin’s soul trembled, as if stumbling upon its own reflection that he unconsciously reached out his hand towards, wanting to unravel more layers hidden beneath those eyes, and a string of fate that seemed to pull their bodies closer. 

They were destined to meet. It wasn’t merely an emotional statement, but the way his heart convinced him that the universe conspired so their paths crossed and their gazes collided. An ode that the winter sang to guide their souls to meet each other. It was the truth that Jaemin was able to separate from the innumerable uncertainties flooding his mind and there was no longer any regret of this inevitable encounter.

“He woke up,” Jungwoo’s voice snapped him from his trance. Fatigue was clearly shown across the physician’s face and Jaemin nodded his head, feeling relief.

“He’s at his end, you know that right? His organs are rotting away, he doesn’t show it in the slightest in order not to scare you. It’s lucky that your spiritual energy is compatible with his body, it’s what holds him together until today.” 

Jaemin’s expression didn’t falter, instead he looked up and asked, “How long?”

“He won’t last until summer.” Those words tasted so bitter even in Jungwoo’s mouth, he carefully noted a glimpse of change flashing through the other’s eyes. Jaemin remained collected yet Jungwoo noticed the way the unspoken wish buried in the deepest part of his heart wilted away.

“I see.” Jaemin already expected this answer, his gaze moved to observe the vast blue sky where hope seemed to dissipate to the faraway. One more day was enough, everything would be enough to fill the lacuna within his heart, as long as he got to see Jeno for another day, as long as he saw him beaming while carrying the crescent moons in his eyes. Jaemin would feel content.

“You haven’t had your meal, right? I’m going to ask Jiwoo to prepare your food.” Jaemin said, spinning around to leave.

Jungwoo let out a heavy sigh when the sight of Jaemin’s back was no longer in his vision. He never inquired nor had Jaemin told him about his relationship with Jeno, but he had eyes, he wasn’t blind. What they had was more than a sense of camaraderie, their feelings were flowing in the air, spilling in the way they beheld each other, it was beyond a romantic relationship, how their souls connected as if they were one in two.

They put each other above themselves, having the utmost consideration to hold the other tightly without leaving a single scratch. Drowning deeper in a state of unconsciousness yet still caring for one person. Jungwoo lost count of how many times Jeno mumbled Jaemin’s name in his stupor, as if the only thread he had in life lay in that person.

“You are enduring too much to the point where it’s your mind that keeps you alive and your body is decaying,” Jungwoo had said earlier. It sounded like a mock, a little too harsh because he had never met such a stubborn person who kept a composed face in front of death just for the sake of his beloved one.

Jeno’s lips curved slightly, hanging loosely on the paleness of his face.Yet his eyes shone and life reflected in that pair of dark orbs, holding the last bit of his life force that was so close to fading away.

“I fear nothing but leaving him alone.” The winter’s breeze wept, lamenting to the sky, and snow fell to compound this heartrending feeling.

***

The brazier never stopped burning, tinder left to smoke and cinder, warming the room against the frosty wind. When the night became longer, darkness loomed and accompanied Jeno as he sat in serenity with a light emanating from the existence of Na Jaemin, just the two of them in this tiny place they called home. There were no words they needed to exchange, but staying beside each other in silence that spoke so many words for them.

“The plum blossoms are nearly in full bloom.” Jeno said gently, burying his face back onto Jaemin’s chest while covering their bodies with the fur blanket until warmth permeated every joint.

“Next week, they will be fully bloomed,” Jaemin replied, leaning his chin on top of Jeno’s shoulder, his arms wrapped around the other’s waist and Jeno let their fingers intertwine.

“Then, let’s have a drink once they fully bloom.” 

Jaemin chuckled, making muffled noises as his agreement. Snow was falling lightly, the whiteness covered wherever their eyes turned to. The fragrance of plum blossoms was lingering in the air along with the fresh scent of the night breeze. The crescent peeked shyly behind the clouds shrouding the sky, illuminating moonlight that fell and reflected off the surface of the frozen pond. Jaemin’s eyes were staring at Jeno’s angular visage, elegance and gracefulness painted in his beauty.

“The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?” The whole world seemed to stop rotating. Jaemin’s voice sounded like slow motion, steadily entering Jeno’s eardrums and resonating there. There was a flicker of surprise swimming beneath those dark orbs. Jeno was stunned, tongue-tied, as his gaze landed on Jaemin whose eyes had never left him, beholding him as if he was the axis of his universe.

"I have nothing in life and not even you are mine," Jeno was afraid to claim more, afraid to tie himself too tightly, if what awaited the other was inexorable anguish. Yet, he couldn’t look away from the amount of emotions basking in his existence and he was afraid to be drowned, to be overwhelmed, dwelling in thoughts that he didn’t deserve this pure affection. 

“You have my heart. In this lifetime, it’s only yours.” _Even in another life when we meet each other or even in lives when we don’t meet each other, my heart only belongs to you._ Conveying his deepest desire, Jaemin gave him a brilliant smile, so blinding that Jeno melted, standing too close to the sun so he became ashes.

Jeno was fumbling for the right word and he choked. Searching his heart to convey this sentiment, when he looked into that pair of peach blossom eyes, he was just drowning, incapable of uttering a word in return.

_Now, I can die happy._ Jeno’s heart broke apart with every word, scrambling up his throat yet unable to make any sound as he swallowed everything back. Jaemin didn’t rush him, patiently waiting for him until he was ready to dig out his heart, looking at him as if his face held constellations within.

The night slipped deeper. Jeno turned his body to face the other and their gazes collided. He leaned closer to let their foreheads touch and their breath mingled. Jeno erased the small gap between their faces, letting their lips meet and savoring the taste of each other. He nibbled Jaemin’s lower lip as his hands roamed and grasped the other’s body firmly. He didn’t know how he could manage to convey this delicacy between their feelings.

***

The dawn hadn’t yet to break when Jaemin jolted awake from his sleep. Fatigue had overtaken him mentally and physically, as he continually sent out his spiritual energy to soothe Jeno’s pain even just a little. It wasn’t that long since he managed to fall asleep and he glanced at the tired figure beside him, sleeping soundly with a frown on his face. Jaemin caressed the creases between his eyebrows and landed a kiss on his forehead before quietly leaving the room.

Outside the room, snow enveloped everything in a veil of whiteness. The plum blossoms were fully bloomed, delighting one’s eyes when they looked at the red petals covered with snowflakes. A golden butterfly flew towards him and when Jaemin touched it, as if recognizing his spiritual energy, it disappeared and a sentence appeared in the air. _Forgotten Valley, they are climbing the mountain._ Jungwoo had sent this urgent message through the secret technique known by the Phoenix Pavilion. Panic rose from Jaemin’s stomach. He was so busy dwelling on many possibilities regarding Jeno’s condition that he had forgotten the darkness still lurking behind them. He had long forgotten that Jeno used to be a member of the Forgotten Valley.

“You look unwell.” Jeno’s voice was raspy and Jaemin shook his head, plastering a grin on his face.

“Jungwoo sent a message. Can you go to his place to check on your condition?” Jaemin asked softly while ruffling Jeno’s hair and the other nodded his head.

“Do you have things to do?” 

Jaemin trembled at the way Jeno could see through him, but he swallowed his nervousness, not letting the other feel his intention.

“Yeah, Jaehyun is coming.”

“Why do you look so nervous? I will go,” Jeno smiled at him, his crescent eye smile beaming that Jaemin was afraid to look up. But he couldn’t let Jeno know, he couldn’t lose him to those people. Jeno had run far away to live in seclusion and not to end up in the hands of those who exploited him. Jaemin couldn’t bear that thought, if any grudges existed within his heart, it would be directed towards that organization, the ones who made Jeno suffer and forced him to live inside a cage. 

“The plum blossoms are blooming,” Jeno said softly with a small smile radiating on his visage. “Let’s have a drink tonight.” He added.

Jaemin tightened the fur cloak hanging around Jeno’s shoulders. His insides were twisted when he pulled Jeno into a tight embrace, breathing in each other’s smell. Jaemin securely held Jeno’s nape before he dived to kiss his lips and both of them could taste the poignancy in the way he gently devoured Jeno. When Jaemin let go, Jeno had so many questions running through his head, but Jaemin ushered him to enter the carriage, Jiwoo waiting for him inside.

Na Jaemin never shed tears; when he was in pain, when he was left behind, or when he wandered aimlessly alone in the vast world, he never shed tears. But at this moment, when the carriage disappeared from his vision, sorrow tugged his heart and he wished to bawl and lament to the frozen winter. Jaemin knew clearly the result of this impulsivity, he understood his own ability. He was strong, but facing the real assassins from the Forgotten Valley, he was barely on par.

Regret crept into the deepest part of his heart. _I should have said goodbye_. Yet, he wanted Jeno to spend the last of his days watching the birds fly away towards the limitless blue sky and soon they would reunite in the yellow spring.

***

Uneasiness grew and haunted Jeno’s mind as he looked outside the window, the evergreen foliage covered in the white snow. The kiss he shared with Jaemin tasted like a poignant farewell. There was an aftertaste of bitterness lingering on the tip of his tongue, like a premonition of an impending tragedy. Jeno clasped his hands.

Reaching the foot of the mountain, Jeno’s whole body twitched, he immediately shouted to the coachman to stop the carriage and hurriedly went out. Jiwoo was bewildered by his action, but followed him closely to drape the fur cloak that fell from his shoulder.

Jeno’s heart pounded fast when he confirmed the pattern that he saw, a magic array surrounding the whole mountain, a symbol that was used by the Forgotten Valley to mark their target. Everything became clear to him, Jungwoo’s message and Jaemin’s excuse to send him away, his melancholic look when he kissed him. Jeno almost forgot the filth that he carried on his body. He was spoiled so much by the light that he had forgotten the darkness lurking behind him.

“Master Lee, where are you going?” Jiwoo grabbed his arms, noticing the change of atmosphere in him.

“You told me to take care of him, right? I will always keep him safe, you have my word. So, can you continue this journey and relay my message to Mr. Jungwoo, tell him that Jeno went back to see Jaemin.” His voice brought urgency and before Jiwoo could reply, Jeno’s figure had already disappeared from her sight.

“Jaemin, how am I going to repay your affection in this lifetime?” Jeno mumbled in despair. Blood dripped from his mouth that he quickly wiped away. His body burned as the Flaming Poison flowed and crawled through his veins. He wouldn’t last for long before this poison swallowed him wholly, but Jeno never stopped praying. He prayed and he prayed that nothing would happen to Jaemin because of him, that he hadn’t stained the light with his existence.

"So, you still let Doyoung make you run his useless errands, Taeyong," Jeno hissed, spitting venom at the familiar figure he had never wanted to cross paths with again.

"Here you are,” Taeyong replied with a smile on his face and it sent Jeno back years to when that man taught him how to wield a sword, how he always secretly cooked food for him, and it pained him a little as to why he needed to live in such agony.

“Doyoung already gave you the goodwill of one year. We can't make the same mistake again. The fact that your parents lived until you were five, did you think it was purely luck or because of their true capabilities? Doyoung _let_ them go, but in their desperation, they sold us out." 

Jeno wasn’t stupid, he could conclude everything perfectly, connecting the dots to find the truest truth. So, he wasn’t surprised when Taeyong revealed the truth, but then what about him? He had sealed his mouth completely. 

Ah, Jeno had forgotten, mercy didn’t exist in _their_ vocabulary.

"Your _paramour_ is really strong, isn't he? He managed to kill my two men." Jeno’s gaze fell on Jaemin who had a trickling of blood dripping where a sword touched his neck. He was bathed in scarlet red, emanating a fierce and murderous aura – not the same brilliant Na Jaemin who had bid him to have a safe trip this morning. And this was the last piece of the catastrophe that he didn’t want to see, where he ended up tainting the only light that had shone through the cleft of his oblivion. It tightened his heart until he wanted to scream at fate itself.

"Don't. Touch. Him." Jeno enunciated every word, taking out his daggers and letting them fly in Taeyong's direction. The older retrieved his sword and took a few steps back. Jeno jumped to catch Jaemin and flew a meter away. 

"You broke your promise," Jaemin said to him as he used the last bit of his spiritual energy to soothe the chaos inside Jeno's body. Jeno released all his inner force, drowning in pain, but not a trace of it could be seen on his face, yet Jaemin noticed it. 

"Better than finding your corpse. Why are you doing this Jaemin?" Jeno dropped Jaemin's hand, stopping their connection. He used the edge of his sleeve to wipe the blood from Jaemin's angular face, which now bore a touch of melancholy. "Use it to heal yourself." Jeno caressed his cheek and he could feel the other's body trembling tremendously.

Jeno didn’t blame Jaemin for his actions because he would do the same thing if their roles were reversed. Sacrifice was never a form of devotion, but selfishness. They both knew the question and the answer. Yet, life was the epitome of unfairness in that humans couldn’t help but sacrifice themselves in order to keep their loved ones safe at the price of their own lives. Even when it left behind an unspeakable and unhealed pain.

"One year is certainly enough time to find yourself a lover," Taeyong interrupted, unable to withstand those little gestures that proved the true form of intimacy that they had. He had watched Jeno growing up, and one year was enough to turn someone into a stranger in his eyes. Or maybe, Jeno had always been like that, hiding his true light under the falseness of the dark. 

"You know the reason I came here and I will leave in peace after finishing my mission."

Jeno summoned back his daggers, letting them attack Taeyong and the older just laughed while carelessly avoiding his attack. They exchanged blows before Taeyong suddenly changed his direction and plunged his sword into Jaemin's side. Jeno warily closed the distance between them and snatched Jaemin's sword to strike a heavy blow. Taeyong used this chance to get closer to Jeno and send a direct attack right to his core, wrecking his spiritual energy. 

"LEE JENO!" Jaemin caught his fallen body. He was scalding hot, no longer burning, like he had been thrown into the crater of a volcano. The pungent metallic taste was rushing to Jeno's throat as he kept swallowing it back, but he couldn't help to spew a mouthful of blood. His insides were being ripped into pieces, tearing and twisting every organ, and blood couldn't stop oozing from his orifices.

"Go the fuck away," Jaemin hissed through his teeth. His expression changed wildly between anger, frustration, and helplessness. Jeno was on the verge of dying, he could feel it in his heart. Still, he desperately tried to send his spiritual energy. 

"You are badly hurt. Save it for yourself," Jeno breathed heavily and it took every fiber of his will to actually make a sound. Jaemin's body was trembling while holding him in his arms, his eyes were shiny with tears streaming down to his face. Snow was falling and the wind was blowing the fragrance of plum blossoms along with their petals. It reminded them of their first meeting, an ode that now turned into an elegy. Jeno weakly reached for a petal rested on Jaemin's shoulder, caressing his cheek against the surface of the petal, and Jaemin broke down, mumbling endless apologies. 

Jaemin was his sanctity, the sunlight that basked along with the morning glow after the darkness of the night, after never-ending sufferings. Jaemin was Jeno's salvation, the untainted soul bleeding sunlight, he was the sun itself that Jeno didn't dare to touch, not because he was afraid to be burnt, but because he was afraid to break him, to leave a stain upon his existence. 

Jeno’s life was flashing through his eyes so quickly that he felt overwhelmed. So many recollections, so many memories were flooding into his mind yet they confused him when most of them became a chain of unfamiliar and vague scenes but they felt so real like they were born from within him. As if, he existed in so many lifetimes where he always met Jaemin, fell in love, and they ended in tragedy. They were unable to let go of each other, repeating the same cycle of life that their love became a heartrending story, and anguish was engraved to the deepest part of their souls. Then, Jeno could confirm, _they did belong to each other_ , being born for the sake of meeting one another.

"Perhaps, it would be better if we hadn't met at all. I'm sorry. Forgive me, Na Jaemin, for I am only the bane of your existence.” Jeno gave him a little smile, conveying his wish for so many lifetimes, to set them free from this curse embedded in their souls. And Jaemin clutched his body tightly as if he wanted to carve his existence deep within Jeno's bones. Tears slipped from the corners of Jaemin's eyes, rolling off his face and falling into Jeno's eyes, as if wanting to mark the other. Jaemin couldn't stop his sobs.

"Don't cry, let’s stop our fate in this lifetime only." _Because I can’t bear to see you in pain._ But Jaemin just held him tighter, rubbed his face with his flooding teardrops and overwhelming grief until his breath disappeared and his scorching body cooled off. Jeno's soul lamented on the way to the afterlife, feeling the surge of anguish bludgeoning his being, foreseeing their repeated destiny.

Taeyong glanced at the pair of lovers before walking away, blood dripped from his torso where Jeno stabbed him. Flaming Poison was a dead end and sooner or later Jeno would end up dying and the other would be widowed. He had just made everything less painful for the person who got left behind. For the rest of his life, Jaemin could curse and hate him, instead of suffering from self-blame and guilt that he couldn't save the other. 

Taeyong vividly remembered the look on the young master's face when he greeted him at his gate; brave, devoted, unyielding, yet brilliant, willing to sacrifice his life for the sake of having the other live freely. Taeyong saw the irresistible traits the young master had, the ones that had magically incited Lee Jeno. When he looked up at the whiteness of the falling snow, he unconsciously wished for another lifetime where they would meet under the brightest place. It was a prayer that he whispered for the sake of Lee Jeno, a kid he carefully watched as he had grown up.

One thing that Taeyong never knew was that the string between Jeno and Jaemin wasn't _magically_ weaved in this lifetime. It was two souls undergoing one tribulation to the next, they were meant to be together at the price of blood and sacrifice, because they were born under the wrong aligning stars, and would be until they were willing to let go and liberate themselves from this ill fate. 

The snow covered everything, as if sharing Jaemin's grief, mourning along the man who lost his other half. There was sadness, regret, guilt, and anger building in Jaemin's heart that he didn't want to feel. He just wanted to numb his feelings, freeze them along with the chilly winter. Jeno's last words were ringing in his eardrums like a poisonous spell that had been cast on his brittle soul. 

Jaemin had prepared himself for Jeno's farewell and accepted that he would eventually be left alone. Confronting his demon heart and letting loneliness consume him, he didn't mind to live together with memories of Jeno in every nook and cranny within his mind. He had steeled his heart to bid the most mundane goodbye and in the end it was his heart that was being gutted; _"Perhaps, it would be better if we hadn't met at all."_ It was a taboo subject, a curse they both tried so hard to not verbalize in order to keep everything intact without the regret of meeting one another. Yet, Jeno uttered those words with his last breath, mercilessly stabbing Jaemin's chest with a thousand knives. So, what should have he held onto when everything was crumbling apart? 

"How many lifetimes are you going to give each other?" A voice echoed through the stillness that almost killed Jaemin. 

"Who are you?" Jaemin's voice was raspy from the coldness that kept him shivering and the frozen body that was still in his arms. 

"Me? A witness to your tragedy." A young man had appeared, his sun-kissed skin in contrast with the pale snow, but he was otherworldly beautiful, carrying arrogance as he walked through the whiteness.

"You two are fated to meet, to walk down the same path. There’s a string binding your souls, thwarting your destiny, as if two stars collided and burst when they wove your fate. It’s an ill fate, but also serendipity. Being unable to let go and cut the string, there’s only sacrifice and regret left to be engraved deep down within your soul, to be brought along to the afterlife." 

Casting a curse-like spell, Jaemin froze as he looked at the other man, he held Jeno’s body in his embrace tighter, as if suffocating himself from anguish and grief, and he lost all his words.

"In the end you are unable to let go, even after he _told_ you to let go. He saw you as his god, an existence greater than the universe itself. He worshipped you, put you above everyone, above everything else existing in the whole cosmos. And you, too, hold him higher than the Heaven." They were a perfect match, selfless yet selfish, the fate bestowed upon their hazardous journey with only grievance blooming at the end of the road. Regret smeared their souls, engulfed in a sea of sorrow until nothing was left to be seen, until every rationality left and one's calmness disappeared into the rage of anger.

At the end of the story, Jaemin was merely a mortal, harboring every emotion that could easily drive him to jump from the edge of a cliff. Overpowered by the demon within his heart, he gave his soul to the dark loneliness and grievance. Buried under the rubble of pain, he was unable to get up, to wake up from this endless nightmare that brought him unending trials. Disavowing his written fate, Jaemin cast a curse upon him, unyielding even to the whisper of nature, not caring for the cause and effect it might have over him.

"In our next life, I will shoulder all your burdens, so live your life happily. We will not owe each other anymore."

The breeze was blowing away the fragrance of plum blossoms and the cries that echoed through this stillness. The pieces of a zither scattered around, broken apart when the ode was replaced by the elegy resounding throughout this lifetime. Giving away one’s heart, even the winter shed tears and wailed to every god and deity, telling the plum blossoms to rekindle a tale when the snow fell and spring was about to come. It was a love story buried in the piling snow – a tragedy.

The sun-kissed figure was leaning his body against the wooden wall, the moonlight dappling across his skin as his eyes darted between the two memorial tablets on the altar. The snow melted from the branches of plum blossom trees and the petals were dancing in the wind. Many winters had passed, so many that he had started to lose count. He poured liquor in two empty cups and the liquid reflected the moon above. He sighed in desperation, as if he could hear some sappy lines. Leaving the cups untouched under the plum blossom petals, he disappeared into thin air.

“I grant you this unfulfilled promise. May you meet each other no longer holding onto these past events.”

.

.

.

_“Plum blossoms bloom in the frosty winter_

_Rekindling some memories buried in the piling snow_

_Tears stain the carmine along with your lingering vestige_

_In the veil of whiteness, belated regret smears our fate_

_Perhaps, we should not have met_

_Like an elegy howls in the wasteland_

_And I could not go home when you ascend to far away_

_So, let us be incinerated to ashes in the name of eternity.”_

**Author's Note:**

> hi, this is the first time i wrote a 20k fic so i know it has so many flaws but i do hope someone will enjoy reading this! i spent quite a long time writing this fic and i didnt expect it to be this long. 
> 
> also i have some notes (and some easter eggs) about this fic;
> 
> 1\. spiritual energy is like a vital essence that one cultivates to practice martial arts  
> 2\. peach blossom eyes is a type of eyes that can easily attract others  
> 3\. also, i mentioned “peach blossom” here which i refer as a token of love  
> 4\. 月が綺麗ですね (the moon is beautiful, isn’t it?) means i love you. it came from natsume souseki when he corrected his student by saying that "i love you" was too direct so he changed it to "the moon is beautiful, isn’t it?"  
> 5\. 死んでもいいわ (i can die happy) i consulted with my friend about the proper meaning for this sentence i think “i can die happy” suits the best. shimei futabatei translated a russian novel where he changed the phrase i love you to “i can die happy”  
> 6\. the main inspiration from this fic is related to “tear mole”, it’s said that one cries while holding their lover in arms and their tears mark that lover as a mole under that lover’s eye so they can meet each other in the next life. this is why, Jeno said; "Don't cry, let’s stop our fate in this lifetime only." and another reason why i don't mention Jeno’s mole at all, so i can use it for the sequel lol lol  
> 7\. the last one; "The pieces of a zither scattered around, broken apart when the ode was replaced by the elegy resounding throughout this lifetime.” I want to highlight that Jaemin is a zither player, this sentence refers to the story of Boya and Ziqi. When Ziqi died, Boya destroyed his zither and he never played zither for the rest of his life because there was no one who was worth for him to play anymore. 
> 
> it's kinda weird that i suddenly used japanese phrases but i couldnt find more fitting lines than those two. pls do share your thoughts and feedback for me ^^


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